Heartache
by mrsremusjohnlupin
Summary: Tonks can't stop thinking about Remus. She even tries to isolate herself. Tonks/Remus, Charlie/Tonks
1. Charlie

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Harry Potter. I wrote this because of an inspiration.**

Nymphadora Tonks sat curled up in a ball on her chair. Her legs were pulled up in front of her, her arms wrapping around them, pulling them closer to her body, as if seeking comfort. Her chin rested on her knees and she stared at her fireplace. She was in her sweatpants and tee-shirt pajamas that she had received from her mother last Christmas.

Tonks' eyes started to water, but she refused to let the liquid leak out. She looked up, breaking her trance from the fire. When she could no longer keep herself from blinking, she did. As soon as the tears escaped from her eyes Tonks brought her hand up to wipe them off, taking her chin off her knees. One tear down each cheek was all it took. All of a sudden, she was crying and couldn't stop, no matter how many times she told herself to. Her eyes became red and puffy, and her make-up was smeared. She finally gave up trying to wipe her tears away and just let them flow freely. After a few minutes, whenever a tear would flow down her cheeks, it would burn. She set her chin back onto her knees and whimpered.

She had been isolated for no more than five days, and it was already getting to her. She went to work. That was the only thing she had done. No shopping, no Order, and no fun. She Apparated to work, then back as soon as her shift was over. She hadn't been able to sleep since the night before she became isolated.

All of a sudden there was a knock on her door. Tonks jumped at the sound breaking the silence. She slowly started unraveling herself from her position. Feeling the silk of the furniture brush against her back as her shirt pulled up a little when she stood up made her shiver. She didn't want to leave that spot. Ever. She pulled her shirt down and walked towards the door. Then, realizing she was still crying, she reached for the tissue box and realized there weren't any. She cursed under her breath, her nose full of excess snot. She reached the door after what seemed like half an hour. Oddly enough, there hadn't been another knock. She was hopeful to think whoever it had been had left.

"'Oo if eh'?" Tonks asked the door.

"It's Charlie," The voice replied. Tonks sniffled and slowly unlocked all the bolts on her door. She turned the knob and pulled on it slightly. She stepped to the side and the door opened the rest of the way slowly. Sure enough, Charlie Weasley stepped into the threshold wearing a sweater, jacket, jeans, and sneakers. His hair was askew and stood up at odd angles on the top of his head. He took one look around him until his eyes settled on Tonks, standing on his left.

Before she knew it, Tonks was swept up in a soft, caring hug. She wrapped her arms around him cautiously. She tried to breath in his scent, but because of her stuffy nose, was unable to do so. He pulled away slowly getting a good look at her, while holding her at arms length, holding onto her shoulders. "Tonks," He seemed to sigh with relief.

" 'arlie," was her sophisticated response. She looked into his eyes.

"Where have you been?" He asked her with an uncanny resemblance to his mother.

"Righ' 'ere," she said and shrugged as he took his hands off her shoulders. Charlie shook his head and reached into his jacket pocket.

"Here," he said pulling out a handkerchief. "You need this more than I do." She took it gratefully. It was a solid olive green, his favorite color. She put it up to her nose and blew as hard as she could. She repeated the process until she began to feel light-headed. Then, she used the parts not covered in boogies to wipe her eyes.

"Thanks," she said clearly.

"Why weren't you at the last Order meeting?" Charlie asked her, ignoring her thanks and shrugging off his jacket. He set it on the coat rack.

"You mean the one yesterday? Or the one three days ago?" She asked slowly making her way back to her chair.

"So, you did get those owls? I was under the impression you didn't," he scoffed putting his hand to her back and steering her towards the couch instead. She reluctantly let him lead her to the couch and was barley aware of herself sitting down. She curled herself into a ball once again, facing Charlie, on the other end of the couch.

"Oh, I did," Tonks said spitefully. "Now, you can run and tell all your little Order friends that Tonks doesn't need help. She can do just fine all alone. Forever. Run along and scamper off." She said looking at him.

"Why didn't you come then?" Charlie had a knack for getting to the point and getting answers out of people. Tonks had always thought he would have done well in the Ministry. Although she knew his tricks and wouldn't give in.

"What's the point? All we do is gather around a table and talk about stopping death eaters. I get enough of that at work thank you," she looked at him fiercely.

Charlie frowned. "Nymph what is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem!" She found herself yelling out. She let her arms loosen from her legs.

"Calm down Nymph I just came to ask you a simple question," Charlie said raising his hands in surrender.

"So far you have asked more than one question if I do recall," Nymphadora said calmly.

"Don't be a smart arse Tonks," Charlie sighed. "Now, what are you doing? Did… did his… death really effect you that much? Now you won't attend Order meetings?"

Tonks looked at him with confusion. "What?"

"Sirius' death," Charlie said as if stating the obvious.

"Ugh!" she was annoyed. Tonks let her arms release her legs and they fell to the floor.

"Dora," Charlie said getting a fierce glare from Tonks.

"Don't _ever_ call me that," she said sitting up straight and looking him in the eyes. "And what the hell is with all these nicknames? What do you want from me? What does anyone want from me? Why doesn't he want me?!" she cried exasperated before she even knew what she was saying.

It took a second before Tonks saw that Charlie had realized what she had said. "Who?" he asked, confused.

"Nobody," she said, wondering how she had managed to turn the conversation around.

"Is he someone I know?"

"No."

"So there _is_ a someone!"

"No Charlie! Just shut up!"

"I gotta know him… I will try to guess."

"Shut Up Charlie!!"

"Oh, is he in the Order?"

"SHUT UP CHARLIE!!" Tonks stood up with surprising speed and looked down at him on the couch angrily.

Charlie looked up at her apologetically. "I'm… I'm sorry Nymph… I didn't… think…"

She slowly sat back down on the couch. "It's fine. I didn't mean to… Snape like that."

Charlie grinned slightly at their childhood joke. "Is that why you won't come?" he asked hoping she wouldn't blow a fuse again.

She just sighed and nodded in response. He wanted to ask who, but knew better; instead he just scooted to her side of the couch. He wrapped her in his arms, and was glad she returned the favor, putting her head on his chest. "_I_ love you Nymph, I want you to know that."

"I love you too Charlie," she said snuggling in his embrace, taking a deep breath and inhaling his scent of dragon and campfire smoke.

--

**I hope you liked it. Please review.**


	2. Wake Up

When Nymphadora opened her eyes, she saw light streaming in through her half-open window. She blinked a few times, and turned over onto her back. She realized she was on her couch, her favorite blanket covering her, and a pillow from her bed was under her head. She stretched and yawned as the events from last night invaded her memory. Then, she abruptly realized something.

She had fallen asleep.

After about a week of no sleep, and although it shouldn't come as a surprise, she had fallen asleep easily. She glanced at the fire, which had a few embers burning in it. The last thing she had remembered was the smell of Charlie overpowering all her other scenes, and him stroking her hair as she lay on his chest.

She wondered where Charlie had gone as she sat up on the couch and watched the silk blanket slide off of her. The loud, prominent grumbling of her stomach told her it was time to eat. She set the blanket aside and stood up, her bare feet touching the cold tiled floor. A shiver ran up her spine and goose bumps started to appear as she made her way to her kitchen.

She yawed as she opened her cupboard door and saw that it was almost empty. She took a piece of bread out and shoved it in her mouth, moving to her cooler to get out some pumpkin juice. She really needed to go to the store; there was barley a sip left. Putting the empty juice container back into the cooler, she walked into her room, swallowing what was left of her bread. She got out some clothes and made her way to the bathroom, in a trance. Looking at the wizard clock beside the bathroom door she froze.

Work.

Tonks ran into the bathroom and shut the door behind her frantically. Why hadn't Charlie woken her? Although she guessed the answer to be that he left before he needed to wake her, she couldn't help but be a little irritated. If anything her alarm should have gone off. Oh right. She had turned it off two nights ago since she couldn't sleep anyways and it bugged her to have it go off.

Even though she figured she would be only about half an hour late, she couldn't help wondering how she had managed to fall asleep last night. She hadn't done it for so long, and the one time she has company she falls asleep. On him. Stripping down quickly she hurriedly got into the shower and turned it on as hot as she could handle.

--

By the time she had gotten out of the shower, done her hair, make-up, brushed her teeth, and gotten dressed thirty-five minutes had passed. Now knowing she would only be ten minutes late, she put on her shocks and shoes, grabbed her coat and keys, and locked the door behind her. She made her way down the muggle apartment stairs and out the door in a flash.

The cold air hit her like the Hogwart's Express. It was freezing outside. She put her coat on, grateful now that she had brought it, and snuck into the alleyway next to her apartment building. She went to the very back of the alleyway until it was so dark she could hardly see, and Apparated to the Ministry.


	3. Drought

"Wotcher Kingsley," Nymphadora Tonks was at her boss's desk and had to move to the side as an airplane zoomed past her. She yawned and ruffled her hair, trying to wake herself up some more. Kingsley was looking at her as if he had never seen anything like her before. Kingsley was dark skinned, and his eyes shone brightly most of the time. Now though, he was looking sort of put out.

"Nymphadora," he was the only person (besides her parents) that she let call her by her first name. She saw he was trying to avoid her eyes, and his eyes traveled to her brown and very bland hair. "I think you need a day off."

It took her a second to comprehend what he had just said. "What? No! Kingsley I have seven reports to fill out! Not to mention the fiasco that I need to-"

He put a hand up to stop her as someone came up behind her. "What is it Dawlish?" he asked turning his head to the wiry, short man.

"Shacklebolt sir," the tough-looking wizard began, casting a glance at the witch now beside him- as he had taken a few steps to the side, and forward. "I- er-"

"Spit it out, I've got important matters to attend to."

"Right. We need someone else to attend Hogwarts with me and guard-"

"Ah!" Kingsley jumped up and made both Aurors at his desk jump back. "That settles it then… Nymphadora," his gaze landed on her and she forced a small smile. He grinned mischievously, which made her attempt to smile falter.

"Erm… yes?"

"You will be accompanying Dawlish here to Hogwarts to stand guard when September arrives. I will be giving you full and detailed briefing later, but as I said you need a day off. I will not take no for an answer," he put up a hand to silence the protest that was about to escape Tonks' lips. "Thos reports will be there tomorrow no doubt." He then looked at Tonks, sized up her hair, bloodshot eyes, and her obvious depression. "Or in two days."

"But Kings-"

"Nymphadora," he said and looked at Dawlish who was still standing there. "Can I help you with anything else?"

"Er, yes sir. I was… I mean… are you sure she's up to the task?"

Tonks felt like hitting him, but Kingsley ruined her thoughts. "I am more than 'sure' Dawlish. Tonks here is a fantastic auror, and she has never let her personal life affect her work. As you can tell, she would rather pass out then go home and get a decent sleep."

Nymphadora saw Dawlish nod, and noticed his jaw clench. Then with a swish of his robes, he left the office.

"Now, Nymphadora don't make me force you out of this office. I was hoping that you would leave of your own will, but if I have to make you I'd be willing."

"There's no need Kingsley," she said and felt her jaw clench too. "I'll just take my paperwork and-"

"You will not! You are just going to go home and sleep."

She wasn't about to confess there was no way she would be able to fall asleep, so she just nodded and turned around about to leave the office.

"Oh and Nymphadora," she turned around and he gave her a small smile. "feel better soon."

--

Instead of going home, she went to Diagon Alley. She had to do some shopping, and this was the best place she could go. She had to stop by Gringotts to pick up some money first though, before she could buy anything.

Walking into the doors however, she ran into Bill Weasley.

"Tonks?" he asked her, looking at her hair, and bloodshot eyes.

She hit him on the arm in response playfully, even though she knew he wasn't joking. "Of course it's me!" she exclaimed indignantly.

"Ouch!" he rubbed the spot she hit him mockingly and smiled at her. "What cha doin' here Tonks?"

"Out shopping of course… Kingsley gave me the day off."

He once again took in her form. "Been getting much sleep?" Tonks just shook her head and forced a tiny smile onto her face. Bill lowered his voice, even though there was no one near them, except a few Goblins at the desks. It was oddly deserted… "Coming to the next meeting?" she had to strain to hear him.

"Dunno…" Tonks shrugged, knowing full well she wouldn't be.

"Remus isn't going to be there," Bill whispered, but Tonks heard a hint of pity and concern in his voice.

"Been listening to your mum then, have you?" she said coldly, and loudly. "Charlie should take a page out of your book. He knows my problem is someone but not who."

"Whom," Bill corrected her and she scowled at him. "And he knows now… went to visit mum this morning, like me. We both found out at the same time Tonks."

"Right," she was now wishing she hadn't come to Diagon Alley at all. Not if this was what she had to endure. "Well, I best get on with my shopping then."

"Ah, well have a good day off Tonks- and get some rest," Bill put his hand on her shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze before he left the building.

--

Tonks exited the wizarding bank with pocketfuls of Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts. She bought enough groceries and tea to last her for quite awhile. She was also lucky enough to find some Sally Darin's Powered Sleeping Drought. All she had to do was put a packet of unflavored powder into her tea and it would help her get to sleep. She couldn't have too much though and it was a one-way trip to St. Mungos; the box warned that.

After getting all she needed, she made her way from store to store her groceries shrunk into her pocket. She still had a fair amount of money left, and when she passed Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour she decided to go in and have some. Leaving full of Pumpkin flavored ice cream, she decided to go and visit Fred and George. They had just opened their shop not too long ago, and she had yet to check it out. She made her way to where it was and when saw that it was full of witches and wizards she decided she could check the store out some other day.

Just as she turned around to go back home, she heard someone call her name. Tonks turned around and heard it again, and saw someone with Weasley read hair pushing their way through the crowd in the shop.

"Oi! Tonks hold up!" she heard and the redhead finally shoved his way past the throng of people. He jogged over to where she was and smiled at her.

"Wotcher Fre-" she wasn't sure if it was George or Fred so she stopped before she was through. "rge."

"Frerge?" Fred or George asked questioningly.

"Sorry," Tonks said. "I still have trouble telling you two apart. There sure are a lot of Weasleys here today."

"Oh Tonks," the Frerge put and arm around her shoulders and squeezed. "My own mother can't even tell… don't feel too horrible. I'm Fred by the way- you had it right the first time."

Tonks wasn't sure how to respond to the arm around her shoulders, or the comment he just made.

"What's up with your hair?" Ah, trust Fred to not beat around the bush, or try to ignore it the best he could like everyone else.

"I have no idea," she said half-truthfully and wrapped an arm around his waist awkwardly.

"Now, where do you think you're going?" he asked. "You need to take a look in the shop." He steered her around and started leading her toward the entrance.

"Well, I was going to but it's quite busy," this seemed to be a compliment because he beamed as soon as she said it.

"So right my friend," he smiled down at her and stopped walking, squinting at the shop with a smile on his face. "How about you come by tonight after closing? Bill told me you had the day off work? He also said you need sleep but…" Fred broke off as he looked down at her. "Or maybe you _do_ need sleep. Been workin' hard love?"

"Er… I'm kinda busy tonight," she was needing to try out that powered drought. One full night's rest was all she wanted. She also would prefer to avoid questions, and all human contact. Fred and Bill were pushing it as it was, and her ice cream buzz had worn off.

"Oh right… by the way," he lowered his voice so no one in the crowd would overhear them. Although that would be near impossible since they noise they were making made it hard for her to even hear him. "You should come to the next meeting. There aren't going to be many people there really... but you haven't been to one in awhile. We all miss you there Tonks."

Right. That was because the last time most of them had seen her she had been perky, colorful, and not hanging by a thread. "I'll think about it," she said with doubt clearly in her voice. She really didn't want to see all those looks of pity… as everyone would know about her and… _him_ by now. Except Fred obviously, or he was just doing a good job hiding that he knew.

"Mhmm," Fred looked down at her and let go of her shoulder. He looked her right in the eyes. "Think hard Tonks… I will come and get you if you don't show." He smiled mischievously. "And I'm pretty strong; I bet I could carry you."

Tonks sighed and put her hands in her pockets. "I don't doubt you could Fred."

"Well, I best be off… customers to assist and all… hope to see you tomorrow after closing," he straightened up, gave Tonks one last smile, and pushed his way back into the throng of people.

Shaking her head, Tonks hurried out of Diagon Alley without running into anyone else she knew. Or anyone at all really- it was nearly deserted.

--

Tonks looked up from her tea full of the powdered drought when there came a knock on her door. She stood up very slowly, and made her way from her kitchen into the living room and opened the door. Almost as immediately, and before she even saw who was there she was swept up in strong arms and her feet left the ground.

"Uf… can't… breathe," she managed to choke out.

She heard a muffled "sorry" and was set back onto the ground where she could breathe again. Looking up, she saw the kind face of Charlie Weasley.

"What are you doing here?" she asked and hurried back into the kitchen.

"Just came to visit you of course," he said and followed her. "What's that?" he asked pointing to the empty packet of draught she had forgotten to throw away.

"I've been having trouble sleeping lately," Tonks shrugged and sat back down in front of her tea.

"This stuff is dangerous," Charlie said frowning and reading the packet. He looked up from it into Tonks' bloodshot eyes.

"Yeah thanks, I already know that though… I _can_ read," she mumbled finishing off her tea. "Well, I'm going to try and get some rest. By the way, how did you know I wasn't going to be at work?"

Charlie seemed too preoccupied with the packet to answer right away. "Bill," he finally said.

Tonks stood up and walked into the living room, trying to get Charlie to follow her so she could bid him goodbye, but he didn't follow her. She went back into the kitchen and found him sitting at the seat she had just vacated and still holding onto the packet.

"Charlie I need to get some sleep, and this may actually help."

"You didn't have any trouble falling asleep last night," he mumbled, not looking up from the packet. Then, he looked up into her eyes. "Promise me you won't take too much of this stuff… and not too often either. It's… addicting."

"You talk as if you know."

"I do," he said and stood up. "Well come on let's get you tucked in. He threw the empty packet in the garbage on his way over to Tonks.

"What?" she took a step away from him when he approached her. He smiled at her and wrapped one arm around her waist and led her to the couch.

He put a pillow under her head before she laid down, and when he let go of her waist she was lying down. He pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and covered her with it. He bent down and kissed her forehead lightly as she closed her eyes.

"I'll lock your door when I leave," was the last thing she heard before drifting off to sleep.


	4. Blur of the Night

The next few days passed in a hazy blur of motion. All Tonks could remember was waking up to Charlie offering her something to eat. She was sure she woke up a few times to go to the bathroom, but she could not recall ever _actually_ doing it.

It was a good thing Kingsley had given her a couple days off, because she would have been fired by now. That or, someone would be sent to check on her well-being. Considering Kingsley was her boss, it would be the latter.

One of the few things she was sure of when she woke up was a clanging sound coming from the kitchen. It was what woke her.

"Charlie?" she called, remembering him giving her some kind of food in the middle of the blur.

"No," a woman's voice answered her and she registered the voice almost immediately. In response she groaned and pulled the blanket over her head. But then she heard footsteps and someone pulled it back down. She glared at her mother.

Instead of responding, Andromeda held out a plate. On which food was covered. Tonks's stomach growled at the sight. She grabbed the plate and fork also offered, propped herself up on the pillow, and began to devour the food. All of her thoughts and concentration went to the consumption of every bit of eggs, bacon, hash, toast, sausage, and the orange juice her mother set on the table in front of her. It was all so good that it was gone within a few minutes.

When she was finished she drank the rest of her juice and put the dishes down onto the table. Then she laid back into the pillow and pulled the covers around herself. It was then that her mother came into view once more, only to take away the plate. Tonks closed her eyes and waited for her to come back. There was no doubt in her mind that there was going to be a talk.

Just when she thought that she heard her mother's soft footsteps. Her feet were lifted on the couch, only to be placed back into Andromeda's lap. "Nymphadora," her mother began. She opened her eyes for the speech. "You shouldn't do this to yourself."

All of a sudden, she was not so groggy anymore.

"He's just a bloke. You are losing sleep, missing meetings, and having to take time off work. Charlie tells me that you are even taking a sleeping drought to help you get rest. This is not you Nymphadora. You were always so chipper and upbeat. Nothing could ever get my little girl down."

"Well 'were' is obviously the key word there."

"Look at your hair," the sadness in her mother's voice surprised her. Then Tonks noticed the tears in her eyes and had to fight back a lump in her throat. "It's just so… normal. What happened?"

"Mum," Tonks had to fight her voice to stay even. "What would you have done if dad had not fallen for you?" She heard the story countless times. Against all odds, her mother fell in love with her father. When she told him that, though, he did not push her away. He had returned her affections and they brought their relationship into the world.

"You really want to know?"

Tonks nodded.

"I have not the faintest idea. I love your father with every ounce of my being. If it were not for him, you would not have been born. You. My _beautiful_ baby girl. It hurts me so much to see you like this. I can't _begin_ to fathom what you are going through. You're _so_ strong."

A sob broke through Tonks's heart, and she closed her eyes against the pain. Then she was eleven again, sitting up so she could be wrapped into her mother's arms while she cried. Her legs tucked themselves underneath her body. Every ounce of pain that surged through her brought on a fresh wave of wails. The pain was so vivid that it seemed someone was slicing a hole through her chest.

Her mother had been making cooing noises to try and make her feel better, but it was only when she calmed down that she could hear them. Then she just sat in her mother's arms while being rocked, crying in silence.

Finally, she pulled away and cleared her tears with the back of her hand and top of her shirt. Sniffling, she looked down at the wet spot on her mother's blouse. It looked like she had spilled water on herself. "Why…," she sighed and cough-sobbed. "Why doesn't he love me?" her voice almost cracked on the last word. It was a question she had been asking herself for what seemed like forever. Now that she asked it outloud it felt as if it was set in stone. He did not love her. Not even a little bit.

A hand on her chin made her look up at her mother's kind face. "I don't know dear," she whispered and kept her caring gaze. "You are so easy to love, such a wonderful witch. He must be insane not to love you."

"Not insane. Just a werewolf."

"Yes, well, that and he is quite the old man."

"Mum!" then she saw the wink.

"Look, if the age difference doesn't bother you, I should not have a problem with it."

"Yeah, well he does."

"That does not mean that you isolate yourself from everyone. Your friends are worried about you."

"The old me," she said before she could stop herself.

"What does that mean?"

She opened her mouth, but no sound came out.

"Do you really think you have changed _that_ much?"

The silence was her answer.

"Oh _sweetie_," her mum pulled her in for a tight hug. "You _can't_ believe that. And even if you _had_ changed, that's why they are your friends. They accept you no matter what. Now you are going to the next meeting. **BEFORE** you interrupt, Charlie told me that _he_ is not going to be there. There is no reason for you not to go! If I catch word that you did not attend, I'll take him up on his offer to drag you there himself."

Tonks smiled, despite still feeling terrible. "When was it that you had this conversation with Charlie? You keep mentioning him."

Andromeda stood up and gave her daughter a kiss on the forehead. "While you were asleep. He stayed here for two days, taking care of you and checking that the drought did not do any damage. I came to visit and he told me all about what happened. Well, the parts that I did not already know."

"I love you mum."

"I love you too," she grabbed her coat and opened the door to leave. Then she paused in the open door. "Maybe you should get a pet… something to think about. It would take your mind off _him_ and give you something to do."

The door clicked shut behind her and Tonks fell back against the pillow. It was nice to know that no matter what, her mother could make her talk about things she refused to say out loud. It was also nice that she was telling her daughter to resort to an animal so early in her life. Not long before she was the lady with twenty-five cats.

She smiled to herself at the thought and flung the covers off of herself. When she glanced at the window she saw that it was dark outside. A quick glance at her clock and she saw that it was nine in the evening. Her mother knew just how comforting breakfast for dinner always was to her.

Pulling the covers back up to her chin and rolling over, she fell asleep once more.


	5. For Your Patience

Hey everybody! I apologize that this is not an actual chapter, but I felt as if I had to explain why I have not updated the story in awhile, even though quite a bundle of people have subscribed to it (for which I am immensely grateful).

Actually, I have the next three chapters written already. But, I went over things with my Beta (deltadecapitated) and decided that I need to change some things to keep the characterization consistent. So I am going to be doing a bit of a re-write to improve the story to the best of my ability before I continue with it.

I want to make Heartache the best it can possibly be for you. If you are still with me, I thank you for your patience. This chapter will be deleted after the re-write is done and the REAL chapter five is up.


End file.
